My Dad Has A Gambling Problem
My father has a gambling problem. My father has a gambling problem and I am the only one that knows about it, but I have not talked to him about it. I just can't do it. It has been going on for years and it only get worse. Before November last year my dad got around $2,000, and he spent all this money in casino gambling.
- My Spouse Has A Gambling Problem
- My Girlfriend Has A Gambling Problem
- My Boyfriend Has A Gambling Problem
Dear Savvy Senior,
I’m worried that my 76-year-old father has become addicted to gambling. He spends at least two days a week at an Indian casino about a half-hour’s drive from his house playing slot machines. What can I do?
2 WHAT IS A GAMBLING PROBLEM? Your partner or family member has a gambling problem if they are (tick the ones that apply): n Spending too much time gambling or too much time thinking about gambling, neglecting other important activities (e.g. Time with you and your family, work, leisure activities). It's a great question. Problem gambling among seniors is definitely on the rise. Seniors have time and money on their hands, and the influx of casinos across the country have made access to gambling much more convenient. Here's what you should know, along with some tips and resources that can help your mom if she does indeed have a problem.
Worried Daughter
Dear Worried,
Problem gambling among older adults is unfortunately on the rise. Studies suggest that more than 4 million Americans, age 65 and older, could have a gambling problem. The reasons behind this growing problem are because seniors have time and money on their hands and the influx of casinos that have cropped up around the country have made access to gambling much more convenient. Here’s what you should know, along with some tips and resources that can help your dad if he does indeed have a problem.
Problem Gambling
For most older adults, gambling is simply a fun recreational activity, but for those who become addicted to it, it can be a devastating disease that can financially wipe them out.
There are a number of reasons why seniors can be vulnerable to gambling problems. For starters, seniors are often catered to by casinos with free bus transportation, free drinks, discounted meals, special rewards and other prizes as a way to entice them.
In addition, many seniors use gambling as a way to distract or escape feelings of loneliness, depression or even a chronic health condition. Some may have financial problems they are seeking to overcome. And some may have cognitive impairment that interferes with their ability to make sound decisions.
Adding to the problem is that many seniors may not understand addiction, making them less likely to identify a gambling problem. Or they may be confused or embarrassed that they can’t control their urges to gamble and reluctant to seek help because they think that at their age, they should know better. And even if they recognize that they have a problem, they may not know that help is available or where to get it.
You should also know that while there are many gambling options for people to get hooked on today, casino slot machines are far and away the most popular among seniors. Slot machines are much more addictive then the old machines of yesteryear with spinning lemons, cherries and melons. Many of today’s slot machines offer intense sensory stimulation with large video screens, music and vibrating, ergonomic chairs.
Get Help
How can you know if your dad has a gambling problem? Gamblers Anonymous offers a 20-question online test at GamblersAnonymous.org that he can take to help determine if he has a problem. In the meantime, here are some questions you can ask to help evaluate his situation.
- Is he preoccupied with gambling, constantly talking about it, or planning to gamble versus doing his normal activities?
- Is he gambling more and more money to get the same level of excitement?
- Is he using his retirement funds or other savings to gamble, or is he pawning or selling personal items to get money to gamble with?
- Has he lost control to the point that he can’t set a limit of time and money to spend in the casino, and stick to it?
- Does he become uncomfortable, angry or lie when you ask him about his gambling activities?
If your dad answers yes to any of these questions, he may have a problem. To find help contact the National Council on Problem Gambling (NCPgambling. org), a non-profit organization that operates a 24-hour national hotline at 800-522-4700. They can direct you to resources in your area, including counselors who have been trained through the National Certified Gambler Counseling Program.
Send your senior questions to: Savvy Senior, P.O. Box 5443, Norman, OK 73070, or visit SavvySenior.org. Jim Miller is a contributor to the NBC Today show and author of “The Savvy Senior” book.
With so many people in New York State becoming addicted to gambling, many more family members and friends are forced to understand gambling addiction and its consequences, as well as how they should deal with the impact a parent’s gambling addiction has on their own lives.
If you’re the child of a problem gambler, we know it can be a difficult experience. You may be struggling to understand the addiction, and you might be asking, “Why can’t they just stop?” Maybe you want to help but you don’t know how, or you’re worried that your parent’s addiction may lead you to your own. If you still live at home, you might be dealing with the loss or downsizing of your home, or the selling of possessions to pay off the debt of the family.
We know this is a hard time, but you are not alone. Here are some things you should know:
Your Parent’s Gambling Addiction? It’s Not Your Fault.
Many children of problem gamblers wonder if it was something they did that drove their parents toward their addiction. That is not the case. You did not cause it, and you cannot single-handedly stop it. Remove that pressure from yourself and do not feel guilty. It was no choice or action of yours that caused this addiction.
My Spouse Has A Gambling Problem
It’s Not a Choice – It’s a Gambling Disorder.
Gambling addiction is a disease. It’s not a bad habit, carelessness or reckless behavior and it’s not a sign of a lack of care for the family at home. Those are misconceptions – some of the myths of problem gambling. Just like addictions to drugs and alcohol, this addiction is a disease. It’s a mental health issue, and that is why it is so hard for problem gamblers to stop.
Gambling addicts feel a “high” when they gamble – just as alcoholics do when they drink and drug addicts do when they use their choice of legal or illegal drugs. The only difference is gambling doesn’t require problem gamblers to ingest anything to reach a euphoric state.
Help is Available.
Counseling, whether in one-on-one sessions or support groups, is available throughout New York State for problem gamblers and for anyone affected by problem gambling.
While many family members may accompany the gambler to private therapy or counseling sessions, others find it valuable to go to Gam-Anon meetings attended by significant others, family members and friends of people with addictions. Gam-Anon provides you with the opportunity to share your story, concerns and frustration with people who have been through the same experience. You’ll feel less alone, and you’ll be able to get advice and emotional support from people who understand how you feel and how you can move forward.
Your Relationship May Be Strained Now, But It Can Be Repaired.
Gambling addiction can be cured, and work can be done to fix damage done, such as the accumulation of debt, the loss of property and the loss of the trust of family, friends and employers.
You may be angry at your parent. They may have lied to you in order to gamble, or simply kept the truth from you for months or years. Their financial situation may have jeopardized your lifestyle or purchases you had expected to rely on, such as money put away for a new family car or the savings that had been kept for your college tuition. You may have to deal with the reactions of other family members, friends, neighbors or coworkers who have found out about your parent’s addiction and attempt to discuss it with you.
Your relationship with your parent can be repaired. It may take time, and it will take the work, but together you can begin communicating and return to a relationship that’s open and honest.
My Girlfriend Has A Gambling Problem
Need help?
If you’re ready to talk to a counselor or support group about your family member’s gambling, we are prepared to help you immediately. The NYS HOPEline offers help and hope to people every day. You can call toll-free anytime for assistance. Every call is anonymous and confidential.
Call 1-877-8-HOPENY.